Friday, June 3, 2016

The last 6 months

Been awhile.

Ok so PROs;

I mentioned that quit smoking, and it's been 6 months now:


People around me got sick.  My good pal Ilana passed away just over a week ago.  My heart aches every day and I can only imagine it will do so whenever I think of her.  It breaks my heart to see my sister so sad, and my mother, and all my friends who are going through this loss around me.  I am mostly sad for her wonderful husband, her 2 sons and her family.
Ilana has been featured in this very popular blog before.

My good friend/co-worker's daughter also lost a battle with cancer.  Just one month ago.  She was exactly my age.  She has 3 kids.  I can't begin to image what my pal is feeling, or how hard each and every day must be. She's coming back to work next week- and I will be grateful to be able to once again she her on a daily basis.

I also went through some hard, personal times.  In my own life, my relationship fell apart. It was March when it really came to a head, and it was decided we would separate. 

I was a mess.  I could not eat. I did not sleep well.  I drank a lot.

But during these times I had the most wonderful people who were there for me.   My family and friends reminded me of all the support I had.   Strangely enough, C was one of them, even.  Of course, we gave each other space and had our terrible moments.  But we often just hung out as pals- and seeing as though we resided together until May 1st- it made cohabitation better than tolerable.

People told me I would come out stronger and better than ever.  I am getting there. I still miss him being in my life daily, but of course I do!  More than anything, I realize that he was my best bud for almost 10 years.  It's a pretty big change.  I hope to come out of this with some kind of friendship in the end. 

I have come to realize that I need to live for me.  I lost myself for a while there.  I don't blame him, or even us.  The problem was not just my love life.  I think my life in general grew kind of stagnant in it's own way.  I let it.  

I am ready to live.   And I know someday I'll be ready to love.  But for now, I'm loving myself, this city (and my great new neighborhood!) and my buds.


*Insert photos of just a few of the people i love*